[Solo Ep] Moms, Are You “Doing It All”? It’s Okay to Rest
Episode Description
Our family has had a week.
My wallet was stolen. My daughter got an ear infection. We tried and took a break from potty training. Recently, I got sick for the first time in YEARS – a head cold strong enough that I rescheduled some podcast interviews to give myself some rest.
Our society doesn’t support time for rest and healing from illness; there’s this belief instilled in us that we must power through anyway.
But it’s important to remember where these “beliefs” come from – personal lenses, sure, but also communal, generational lenses – and that we are only human.
So this episode is for the moms who feel they must “do it all” – and to let them know it’s OKAY to rest. In fact, resting might be the most productive thing they do today.
Why do we feel we must “do it all?”
In raising our daughter, I rely heavily on my husband and partner.
My husband makes breakfast most mornings. He gets our daughter dressed. Changes nine out of 10 diapers when he’s home. He helps with dishes after dinner, and does solo bedtime a couple nights a week so I can get some work done.
To say I rely heavily on him is an understatement – but there are still days when I am so overwhelmed by my mental load, and am led to believe I should be doing this alone.
I am in charge of so much. There are so many thoughts floating around in my brain, and I actually have a ritual I follow before bed to calm my brain down so I can sleep.
Recently, I read Patriarchy Stress Disorder: The Invisible Inner Barrier Between Women’s Happiness and Fulfillment by Valerie Rein. In it, she talks about this notion of succeeding on the terms expected of us to be safe in the environment we live in.
Generational trauma
Part of what I’m feeling is generational trauma.
This pull to take charge at home is a way to “prove my worth” – to say, I am worthy of being supported financially because I’m doing all the other heavy lifting.
Even if everything we knew was positive – that our parents were great, our kids were the sweetest – there’s still trauma in our blood going back hundreds of years, whether we recognize it or not. A lot of what we face as women and mothers is an institution that was created for men, by men.
So let’s take control of these beliefs and remove some of the pressure. What if we told ourselves we can be solid in our families WITHOUT needing to prove we belong in them?
Take a step back
Can we take a moment to recognize all we are navigating this week?
For example, this week, my wallet was stolen. I had to take steps to protect myself and my assets. I am facing a daughter who is battling an ear infection, nighttime separation anxiety, and potty training.
I navigated supporting my partner; kept my family fed and clothed; carved out time to journal and got in touch with my thoughts on these infiltrated, ego-based beliefs.
What we are doing is amazing – we are still showing up everyday under the weight of all we carry. I share this to let you know you are not alone. These weeks will pass. We are in it together.
Notable Quotes from Emily
“Our society doesn't support time for rest and healing from illness. These are beliefs instilled in us through corporate culture, hustle culture, mom life – that we must just power through anyway. And I share this just to let you know that you are not alone. We're in it this week, and I am proud of myself for navigating it. So, Mama, no, you are not alone. These weeks will pass. I am here for you. We are in it together.”
“Even if our parents weren't great, and our kids were the sweetest, kindest, happiest humans that we could hope for, the trauma is still there. It still exists. It's communal, and goes back hundreds of years and is still present, whether we recognize it or not. Today, we must take a step back and recognize that a lot of what we are facing as women and as mothers is institutionally created. It's in how this world was created – for men by men.”
Resources & Links
Some books I reference in this episode: Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez and Patriarchy Stress Disorder: The Invisible Inner Barrier Between Women’s Happiness and Fulfillment by Valerie Rein.
Learn more about Project: Mom and follow us on Instagram at @projectmompodcast.
Do you want to share your motherhood journey on the podcast? Email me at projectmompod@gmail.com.