Book Review: Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness
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Welcome to today's episode of the Project Mom Podcast.
I want to do a special episode today highlighting a book that I just read..
It's called Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included). The book was written by Dr. Pooja Lakshmin and in this book, she shares her own personal journey and those of her clients as she outlines for us this very real need for self-care, especially as women who are faced with systemic challenges that are made to keep us small and at the service of others.
I initially wanted to read this book when I came across it because I had done an episode in season one on self-care and really what felt like the fluff of it and I felt there was so much more to self-care than the bubble baths, yoga, massages, et cetera, that I was excited to really get some insight from a board certified psychiatrist. Pooja's focus in her work is to help women and other marginalized communities escape this tyranny of faux self care and she actively supports women within her practice who are struggling with burnout and perfectionism and disillusionment alongside anxiety and depression.
What I really love about this book is that she shares real life examples for how we may be tapping into faux self care.
She gives us tools to determine where we might be buying into an industry in order to feel better about ourselves. Are we using yoga and meditation to truly heal parts of ourselves or are we using those methods to make ourselves feel better within a system that thrives on our participation?
Within the book, she dives deep into four main principles for real self-care and gives us the chance to reflect where we are on the scale of living by these principles. Ultimately, it comes back to internal work – not only how are we showing up and achieving what is dictated to us as self-care externally, but how are we showing up for ourselves internally?
She focuses on the fact that real self-care has to originate within, and is ultimately an ongoing internal decision-making process that we need to use every single day in order for our needs to be met.
So from her experience, a couple of those principles are:
Setting boundaries and managing the guilt that comes along with those boundaries because it's unrealistic to assume that guilt will not show up in our day-to-day. So how do we manage that? It's not about getting rid of it, but navigating it.
Treating yourself with compassion. How can we talk nicely to ourselves, be kinder to ourselves? From her experience, one of the principles is self-care allows you to get yourself back to your true self, bring your actions closer to your true self, to your values, to your beliefs, to your desires. And ultimately, it's about asserting your power, right?
There's a quote on page 71 that for me says it all. She writes,
“It's about saying this is what works for me and this is what doesn't. It's having the audacity to say, I exist and I matter.“
How powerful is that? Especially as moms and as business owners and as individuals who are something to others. How powerful is it to put ourselves first?
So ultimately this book has really given me hope. And with many of the guests we've had on this podcast and through solo episodes, we've explored different journeys with burnout and limiting beliefs and stories that we tell ourselves that keep us small and keep us powerless. So I ultimately feel hopeful with this toolkit at my fingertips because as she's able to demonstrate within this book through narratives of her own and her clients, if we're able to start the change within, there is hope that systemically changes can be made to support the quality and shift in power dynamic for women, for moms, and for other oppressed communities.
So if you're recognizing feelings of resentment, frustration, desires to change your situation, I highly recommend this book. There are actionable tips and tricks within to support this journey of real self-care in getting ourselves the support and having our own personal needs met. And not just after we've catered to everyone else in our lives, but first, and that by showing up for ourselves, we are actually able to show up better for those around us and in a way that supports everyone.
This episode is the first of its kind, so please let me know if you like this type of episode, if you found it useful for you, and if you'd like to hear more like this. If you do end up picking up this book, please let me know.
The change starts with us and I would love to be in your corner as you start and continue to assert yourself and your needs into the conversation.
We are also getting set to wrap up season two, so please, if you haven't already, leave a review wherever you listen to your podcast so we can get in front of more moms and entrepreneurs that would benefit from these discussions. It is truly the best way for you to support this work and the community, and I would greatly appreciate it.