Emotions: How they can move us into action and create clarity

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Welcome to today's episode of the Project Mom Podcast.

In today's solo episode, I want to talk about emotions – I want to get curious about them, about the meaning we've given them, and how we show up in our day to day because of them.

When I first started exploring this episode, I did a quick search just for the definition of emotions, and here's what came up: Psychological and physiological responses to various stimuli, both internal and external, that play a significant role in shaping human experience and behavior. They involve a combination of subjective feelings, body sensations, thoughts, and often lead to observable behaviors. Emotions encompass a wide range of feelings such as happiness, sadness, anger, fear, surprise, disgust, and more nuanced emotional states like contentment, excitement, anxiety, and empathy. It's likely that we see these feelings come alongside physical changes as well, such as change in heart rate, breathing patterns, facial expressions, even hormone fluctuations.

As I was doing research, it was also important to note that emotions influence how we perceive and respond to the world around us, ideally helping us adapt to different situations and make choices that align with our values and goals.

I love that because I want to highlight that piece right there, that emotions influence how we perceive and respond. So our past experiences impact how we perceive present moments as well as future scenarios that we're playing out in our head or we're preparing for them mentally.

So what if emotions weren't negative or positive? What if we removed the meaning we've given these feelings, these emotions, and choose to see them for what they are? Messengers.

In last week's episode with Virginie Ferguson, she had said something that really resonated with me. She had said to me in that episode, emotions are meant to move us into action. It's right there in the title, emotion, emotion. So can these feelings and emotions be messengers for what we need to see and pay attention to? There is a reason these thoughts are coming to our attention, right? Our bodies can't distinguish between the past, present, and the future. It just perceives something as real. And that could be from something that's happening now, but it could also be based on what has happened to us in the past or what we're expecting might happen to us in the future.

Virginie was talking about the reality of our emotions and I just felt like something clicked. How can we look at these emotions and find clarity on what action we should take? Are we feeling anxious about a future that doesn't exist yet? Are we angry about something that happened to us in the past and isn't happening now? Or are we rightfully frustrated at this moment due to something happening around us right now? And how can we support our nervous system to welcome these emotions instead of fighting them? Because once we look at them and uncover what they're trying to tell us, ultimately, we can move past them.

As parents and as business owners, we're faced daily with a lot of stimuli, we are bound to run into heightened emotions. So what are these emotions trying to tell us? Are we sacrificing ourselves and our boundaries? Are we letting our boundaries get crossed at work with clients, with partners, family, with our kids? Are we expecting something to change, yet we aren't in the business of enforcing those boundaries, such as deadlines, communication, task requests? And are we not enforcing boundaries that we've seemingly implemented? Are we putting unrealistic expectations on ourselves to accomplish it all each and every day? Are we being fair to ourselves and ultimately feeling the burnout? Are we noticing the times throughout the day where we also get glimmers of joy, ease, acceptance, happiness? What were we doing in those moments? Who were we interacting with? Think of these examples.

Now, what can we put into motion based on what these emotions are telling us? Maybe we need to change their scenery a bit in order to give ourselves a break from seeing the mountain of other tasks that are waiting to be accomplished. I mean, honestly, just today as I was writing this solo episode, I chose to move to a coffee shop because even though I have an office at home, I was thinking about and doing household tasks instead of prepping for upcoming interviews or writing this solo episode. So maybe we need different boundaries. Are our clients providing deliverables late, so it disrupts the timeline and space that you've given yourself to create? What consequences are in place for when that happens? And are we willing to enforce that boundary? For example, if materials come in later than 48 hours past a due date, let's be sure we're pushing the project delivery date and that gets pushed out too. Then it's up to us to ultimately enforce that. Maybe it's a boundary we set for ourselves in motherhood. We don't schedule two kid activities within one hour of each ending and starting because of the stress and the pressure of getting the kids moving that quickly. It's too great, right? And does it make you feel good in your body? Ultimately, I just did this. I found myself angry in traffic one afternoon rushing to the next activity. I just don't want to feel that way again. So I set that boundary.

I'll give you another example. I am an introvert, I need some recovery time after social events. My husband, on the other hand, thrives in social interactions. So I've really had to set a boundary that works for me. For now, it looks like choosing not to schedule more than two social events in one weekend, Friday night to Sunday, and definitely not two on one day. The important piece of this is that I am the enforcer of this. So if two things come up and those events will fill my cup, then I'm willing to make an exception to that rule. But when my husband tries to do the same the following weekend, it is back up to me to remind him of this boundary that I have and ultimately create a compromise that he is accepting of, that he's welcome to go, but he has to be in agreement to go without me or just don't go at all. His choice. I started feeling exhaustion, irritability, resentment that my time was being taken away from me. So in those moments, as I was playing the victim in those situations, I started to feel these feelings that made me feel not so good in my body.

But once I took back my power and got clear on what was working and what wasn't working, I was able to set some things in motion to align my day in a way that made me feel good.

Ultimately, it was the decision to enforce a limit on social interactions and create compromises with my husband, the action that made me feel better in my body and more aligned with what works. So I'm grateful for those perceived negative emotions of resentment and irritability because they gave me the clarity and push that I needed to do something different.

So if you find yourself upset, resentful, irritable, distraught, isolated, resigned – listen to those feelings, it's likely that your current actions are not aligned with your values or internal desires. So can you listen? Ask yourself what it is you really want and start to take some action towards changes that will allow you to feel lighter, in flow, at ease, accomplished, and joyful more often.

I hope today's episode has given you something to reflect on and give yourself some permission to make some changes in your life. Be sure to stick around for more guest episodes in the coming weeks for more actionable tips and tricks on listening to ourselves, boundary setting, and aligning our days in order to show up as the best mom and entrepreneur we can be in these moments.