[Solo Ep] How Do We Cope with Burnout as Moms?
Episode Description
How do we cope with this very real problem of burnout? Real life is MESSY. Things bleed into each other, and that’s the reality of parenthood.
The other day, my husband and I were talking about wishing our jobs had more separation – that we could do the eight-hour workday, then deal with personal life when we got home.
More than ever, we’re finding both worlds are seeping into each other. Childcare and personal responsibilities seep into the workday, while work seeps into the evenings, early mornings, and weekends.
To me, this is the biggest problem of burnout – the expectation that we should give everything to our jobs and everything to our kids, yet still keep them separate.
So that’s what today’s episode is about – coping with burnout, and some ideas I’m trying out to AVOID getting to those extreme levels.
I hope you’ll join me!
Warped expectations
For me at least, the home is an extension of me. If it’s cluttered and messy, if there are dishes in the sink, my energy honestly feels the same.
I’m working on releasing that expectation of myself. Doing the dishes once a night is acceptable. Leaving toys on the floor till morning is acceptable. Vacuuming just once a week is acceptable. Who else really has the authority to define what is acceptable in my home? Definitely not anybody who lives outside of it!
Growing up in the ‘90s, I was taught to be fiercely independent, to build a thriving career, and to find financial independence. I did that – and when I settled down with my partner to start a family, somehow I was ALSO saddled with the unpaid labor role. It was up to me to coordinate childcare to have the career I desired.
Sometimes it seems other women carry their loads as if they are feathers, so why does mine feel like a boulder?
There’s fear and shame that something’s wrong with me – and yet, I share this because I can’t be the only one who feels this way!
For me, it’s not just the parenting tasks that contribute to burnout. It’s this expectation that unpaid labor should be done by one partner who stays at home – OR, that it is done in the off-hours outside your day job. Instead of your nine-to-five, it becomes your five-to-nine.
So what even is burnout?
The American Psychological Association defines burnout as physical, emotional or mental exhaustion accompanied by decreased motivation, lowered performance and negative attitude.
This leads to overwhelming exhaustion, which can cause us to physically or emotionally distance ourselves from responsibilities and loved ones. It also leads to loss of fulfillment, which can lead to things like blame, shame, and guilt. Which, in turn, perpetuates stress even MORE, impacting sleep, exhaustion and irritability.
Wow.
Burnout manifests in stages – but what if we could identify how it shows up for us BEFORE it infiltrates all areas of our lives? For example, burnout for me manifests in the morning. If I get up already annoyed after eight hours of sleep, that’s clue number one.
Clue number two is when I’m itching to go to bed at 8:30 p.m. several nights in a row, when it feels so much easier to shut my brain down than to think or do something else any longer.
Coping with burnout
How do we cope with this very real problem and find out what WORKS for us when we experience burnout?
Could we take micro breaks – five minutes in the car after grocery shopping? A three-minute guided meditation? Thirty extra seconds in the bathroom for intentional breathing? Can we stop saying SHOULD?
I am committing to taking away the “should” – because most of the time when I use that word, I’m talking about other people’s expectations, not my own.
In addition to my morning journaling and solo time, I will take small steps toward physical nurturing and care, showing up on Instagram to share what I’m experiencing each day with the podcast, home or childcare.
I’m going to drink 100 ounces of water daily (because that does a lot for my clarity and mental sharpness), AND I’m going to take a multivitamin – which is big for me, because I often find my daughter eats a more balanced diet than I do.
What three things do you want to commit to yourself so you DON’T get to that level of burnout that’s so easy to fall into in motherhood?
Notable Quotes from Emily
“Now, more than ever, we’re finding that both of those worlds are seeping into each other. Childcare and personal responsibilities seep into the work day, and work seeps into the evenings and early mornings and sometimes weekends. It’s the expectation that we should give everything to our job and everything to our kids, but do our best to keep them separate.” (1:59)
“This next one is a big one, for me at least. Can we stop saying ‘should?’ Can we take the pressure off? These are all based on expectations we have for ourselves based on what others think. Can we just take that pressure off? There’s no such thing as perfect.” (11:29)
Resources & Links
Learn more about Project: Mom and follow us on Instagram at @projectmompodcast.
Do you want to share your motherhood journey on the podcast? Email me at projectmompod@gmail.com.