Pregancy In Real Life with Briana Ellis Hoag
This week’s guest, Briana Ellis Hoag
A licensed architect, interior designer and owner of Ritual Architecture.
Episode Description
It’s remarkable to think about the ways motherhood forces us to grow and reflect on how we imagined motherhood to be.
Was it a childhood fantasy? Was it even something we thought about? What role do our own mothers play in how we navigate this world of parenthood?
Today’s guest is Briana Ellis Hoag, a licensed architect, interior designer and owner of Ritual Architecture. Briana is also pregnant with a baby girl – which means this is our first guest who is in the pregnancy stage of motherhood!
In this episode, Briana shares everything her pregnancy is bringing up: the reality vs. what she expected; navigating work-family balance; and how she’s working through the void of her late mother, who passed in 2016.
Pregnancy: fantasy vs. reality
I never fantasized about getting pregnant or having a big family. It was my husband’s dream. My desire came afterward, when I allowed myself to open my mind and explore that possibility.
Similarly, Briana never grew up playing house or with dolls. That was her sister. Briana preferred LEGOs and drawing pictures. Motherhood was not something she envisioned for herself as a little girl.
What surprised her about pregnancy was realizing how much she identified with her physical body – her clothing size, her physical abilities, and just having an inny belly-button.
There’s a lot of messaging out there saying we should feel glowing and happy with our swollen baby bumps. Personally, I always thought that was kind of an icky word, and I think Briana’s experience is SO relatable to anyone who’s carried a baby.
Even afterward, it’s an adjustment. The scale says I’m off a couple pounds from where I was before my daughter, but the weight doesn’t hold the same way. I recently threw out a pair of pants I was holding onto, finally letting go of the idea everything would go back exactly the way it was.
Briana lost her mother in 2016. To say she’s felt a void is an understatement; she knows her mother would have been thrilled to take on her role as the watchful, doting grandmother. Moving six doors down from her sister has helped, but there are still moments the loss feels like yesterday. Having a baby without her mother just wasn’t something Briana imagined.
Right from the get-go
Briana’s advice for future mothers pursuing careers in architecture?
(Or, future mothers pursuing any career, really.)
Get clear about the kind of company you want to work for from the get-go. Part of that starts with the interview process. What’s the company’s perspective on maternity leave? Who are some high-level women in the company who have families?
The first job Briana took after graduating from Cal Poly Pomona was at the recession’s start, 2008. Within two months, half the team was laid off. Desperate to get her foot in the door, Briana put up with a lot of sexism – which completely blindsided her.
One conversation with her boss went like this: she wanted to talk about pregnancy. She was 23, and nowhere near ready but wanted to know the company’s policies. Before even starting the conversation, he said, “You’re not going to tell me you’re pregnant, are you?” A major red flag.
After a couple of years, she quit with nothing else lined up. She thought long and hard about whether architecture was the path she really wanted, but she kept at it; she says choosing a job is just as much about the work as it is about the environment.
A company built organically
Eventually Briana found a position that fit. She helped a small business grow from 2 to 12 people. But when her mother died, it made her again reimagine the work she’d find most fulfilling.
Two years ago, this work was the small company she helped build. Now it was something different.
Her company Ritual Architecture came together organically. It started with the thought of switching fields, dabbling in interior design with one of her mentors. Then a past client referred her to a custom home job. From there, the company snowballed.
“If you’re a good professional along with genuine connections with people, the work will come. That’s something I really learned because the business kind of created itself,” Briana says.
There’s a plan in place for her business post-baby, but of course, there are still so many unknowns. She’s under no illusion her path as a mother will be easy or the same day-to-day. The business is still evolving, and it will evolve even more with the entrance of her daughter.
Notable Quote from Briana
“When we commit long-term to a certain industry, we put labels on ourselves, and that limits you. If I just only ever thought of myself as an architect, I would have only been an employee of a company. Maybe I would have worked up the corporate ladder at that company and eventually become a partner. But I think about all of the amazing life experiences I have had because I said, maybe that’s just not who I am. Maybe there are other parts.”
“My mom passed in 2016, so it’s been quite awhile now, but there are still moments that I feel like it just happened yesterday because of these things I hadn’t anticipated experiencing without her.”
Resources & Links
Find Briana on the Ritual Architecture website and Instagram page (and be sure to keep an eye out for her new Instagram account she’s launching).
Learn more about Project: Mom and follow us on Instagram at @projectmompodcast.
Do you want to share your motherhood journey on the podcast? Email me at projectmompod@gmail.com.